had my RNY gastric bypass surgery with Dr Pablo Gazmuri who has retired in May '12. My surgery was January 3 2008. Prior to surgery, I lost 81 pounds and met my surgical team in August '07 50 pounds lighter that I started in February.
I was so sad to see him leave. He was 65, so possibly it was a great move for him. I now have Dr Sheila Partridge a top notch surgeon in the field of bariatrics.
The hospital that I went to is Newton Wellesley Hospital Massachusetts. It is a great place with beds, chairs and gurneys the right size for the obese patient. The nursing staff was spectacular.
I am so pleased to have the ongoing care where I meet with a dietitian, nurse and the bariatric surgeon once a year now for life.
There are many opportunities to continue with the after care program in seminar format rather than small groups. It was something that I really liked when I was more able to make the meeting times. I think anyone would like this Center of Excellence pratice.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
Here is a poem that I have to think of when I am thinking of my family who have passed on. I miss them dearly.
Do not stand
at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds
that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the
morning's hush
I am the soft uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star that
shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there.
I did not die.
at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds
that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the
morning's hush
I am the soft uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star that
shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there.
I did not die.
--- Anonymous
This is the week that my brother died. I will not weep for him on Friday. I will think of his lovely family and pray that they can get through the day. Last week, on July 17th, it would have been his 61st birthday. He died of cancer. I learned of this cancer and was able to go visit him last year in March. It was a good week. We shared our stories and got to meet his dear wife and connect with her on a far deeper level. In August, last year, I spent another week with her during the week that she had a memorial service for Gary.
How do you deal with the loss of love ones? Is it a time to share with family? Is it a time to emotionally eat? I am saddened this week and trying to keep my eating in check. I do not feel that I am an emotional eater.
Yet, when I look back to different experiences, we celebrated with food. Bought a new car when money was tight, celebrated by going out to eat. Had to move from a large home into a small apartment without my daughter's family who were sharing the home and the new grandson, go out to eat.
Okay, it may be that I eat emotionally but now that I have the tool of RNY gastric bypass, I cannot eat much. That large steak that I order either gets eaten over four days or shared with others. The next time you feel that you are going to eat something because your emotions are out of control, take a step back. Are you really hungry? What will give you the best nutrients and will satisfy your needs for food? If it is "bad" for you, can you limit the amount?
Friday, July 19, 2013
Weekend Ahead
How do you spend your time during the weekend? Do you have extra chores to do? Is it a fun weekend or a busy work around the house weekend for you?
This weekend, I have two parties to go to. It will be busy because I also need to get my grandson to camp in RI. I am thinking that it might be an opportunity to see my foster daughter as well. She works every other weekend.
Tonight, I hope to visit my friend who had total knee replacement done on Monday. She is at a rehab center where she will get all the OT and PT that she needs. Let's hope she wants company. I sent an email just before 5 pm.
I knew this would be a short entry but I want to keep up with the promise to myself to make a blog post more frequently.
I expect my husband home soon. His meatloaf is now done. I must go out and prepare the rest of the meal. Do I give him another salad? He has had four salads this week.
He has been preparing his own lunches these past two weeks. It is eerie that he does this because he did not take lunches up until about four years ago steady. I think about his fall and his knee surgery constantly this month. He was so incapacitated for most of the 12 weeks that he was home. I returned to work in September not being fully sure that he would do well with me away from him 9 hours a day. I had his meals already made and at the front of the fridge so he could get them without doing much bending or searching.
His fall came June 29 2009 at the theater where we saw a chick flick. It is crazy that this made him known on the floor that he went to a chick flick and was hurt. He is great laughing at that and did repeat it to the two women who came in for his OT and PT.
I just want to say that his control over his diabetes is so well done.
Can you wonder why I love this man?
I remember responding to a woman on fb who just had an accident. In the accident, she was not hurt very much just aches but her car was severely damaged. It reminded me of the accident that I called to speak to Bobby in the 70s when I was single. He came over and was very attentive. I was emotionally distraught then and for a long time following this accident because the person did not have to run into me. He was stopped at a stop sign. I was taking a left turn. I know now that I could not have been killed but I felt in my heart that it was a near miss with death back then. My car door was smashed in and I could not use it. Strange how I was able to exit the car on the right side over the console.
Oh yes, there have been other near misses. I took my husband's fall as a near miss. I did not know what caused him to fall. I saw him writhing in pain. Did he have a heart attack? What was going on? I just did not know. He was in so much pain that he was unable to speak at first.
So, I find myself starting this blog post as a joyful rendition of my weekend. I go on to get all sappy remembering two accidents and now I am thinking about L. and possibly seeing her again. She was two when I first met her. She is 29 now. I hope I can get to see her this weekend if not in two weeks.
Let us hope it is not a near miss.
This weekend, I have two parties to go to. It will be busy because I also need to get my grandson to camp in RI. I am thinking that it might be an opportunity to see my foster daughter as well. She works every other weekend.
Tonight, I hope to visit my friend who had total knee replacement done on Monday. She is at a rehab center where she will get all the OT and PT that she needs. Let's hope she wants company. I sent an email just before 5 pm.
I knew this would be a short entry but I want to keep up with the promise to myself to make a blog post more frequently.
I expect my husband home soon. His meatloaf is now done. I must go out and prepare the rest of the meal. Do I give him another salad? He has had four salads this week.
He has been preparing his own lunches these past two weeks. It is eerie that he does this because he did not take lunches up until about four years ago steady. I think about his fall and his knee surgery constantly this month. He was so incapacitated for most of the 12 weeks that he was home. I returned to work in September not being fully sure that he would do well with me away from him 9 hours a day. I had his meals already made and at the front of the fridge so he could get them without doing much bending or searching.
His fall came June 29 2009 at the theater where we saw a chick flick. It is crazy that this made him known on the floor that he went to a chick flick and was hurt. He is great laughing at that and did repeat it to the two women who came in for his OT and PT.
I just want to say that his control over his diabetes is so well done.
Can you wonder why I love this man?
I remember responding to a woman on fb who just had an accident. In the accident, she was not hurt very much just aches but her car was severely damaged. It reminded me of the accident that I called to speak to Bobby in the 70s when I was single. He came over and was very attentive. I was emotionally distraught then and for a long time following this accident because the person did not have to run into me. He was stopped at a stop sign. I was taking a left turn. I know now that I could not have been killed but I felt in my heart that it was a near miss with death back then. My car door was smashed in and I could not use it. Strange how I was able to exit the car on the right side over the console.
Oh yes, there have been other near misses. I took my husband's fall as a near miss. I did not know what caused him to fall. I saw him writhing in pain. Did he have a heart attack? What was going on? I just did not know. He was in so much pain that he was unable to speak at first.
So, I find myself starting this blog post as a joyful rendition of my weekend. I go on to get all sappy remembering two accidents and now I am thinking about L. and possibly seeing her again. She was two when I first met her. She is 29 now. I hope I can get to see her this weekend if not in two weeks.
Let us hope it is not a near miss.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Social Justice is My Passion
I thought that I should let you know more about me beyond weight loss. I have done many things in my life that I am very proud about. My job as a Letter Carrier helped me to see that there is poverty close to where I live. I help in ways to alleviate this by bringing produce to a family shelter in Framingham that my church collects on Sunday along with other members of our commission. I brought food and clothing over to a food pantry in Natick for many years from our church. We have collected for Thanksgiving baskets through an inner city church and bring food for food pantries around our area. Yes, food poverty is one thing that I can help alleviate.
But there are more to my passions than food. I care for other people. I care for people of color, of different sexual persuasions and for the downtrodden that are hurt by the loss due to homelessness, mental issues and teenage angst. Yes, we have people here in this country who are losing out on their best life because they are not getting sufficient nutrients, medical care and education.
Violence seems to be a way that some communicate their hurt and fear. I hope we have a significant curb to the gun violence in our country where young people have access to weapons to express their hurt and pain. Please take the time to read these two passages that I found on Facebook today. It lead me to want to blog about my passions today.
Alex Fraser wrote this and I found it on Facebook.
Dear George Zimmerman,
For the rest of your life you are now going to feel what its like to be a black man in America.
You will feel people stare at you. Judging you for what you think are unfair reasons. You will lose out on getting jobs for something you feel is outside of your control. You will believe yourself to be an upstanding citizen and wonder why people choose to not see that.
People will cross the street when they see you coming. They will call you hurtful names. It will drive you so insane some days that you'll want to scream at the top of your lungs. But you will have to wake up the next day, put on firm look and push through life.
I bet you never thought that by shooting a black male you'd end up inheriting all of his struggles.
Enjoy your "freedom."
Sincerely,
A black male who could've been Trayvon Martin
Here is another's thoughts help move me to strive for justice
Conflict transformation sometimes means starting the conversation about a conflict that is simmering in the darkness, out of view of many. So we are called to shine a light on hidden or tolerated injustice. As Jesus says in John 3:20, "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed." And Matthew 5:14: "You are the Light of the world." So faithful discipleship means we raise awareness about issues that are hard to hear, especially because they are hard to hear- and always in a spirit of Love.
The passions that I have for social justice causes makes me a better person. I work for social justice in my church. I have been on many work teams to build strong community with people of other cultures, as well as doing all that is possible to keep up an inner city church through attending their services and homecoming events, and building a home for someone who lost their home to Hurricane Hugo years ago. Now, I hope that I encourage those who are in the weight loss community by my actions, my words and my support on the many social media from Youtube, Facebook, ObesityHelp and Sparkpeople.
I took courses to learn how I could learn where I did not know how to show tolerance for other people. I did not realize some of the privileges that I expect and therefore the prejudices that I had. I expect to go into a store and not be followed. I do not expect others to judge me by my color. When I was obese, I experienced being ignored by sales people. I lost about 100 pounds when I went to look for a tv stand that would hold new tv. A woman came right over to me when I entered the store. It was an eyeopening moment for me. Was that the store policy or just my perception of how I was treated more often than not?
What are your passions? What makes you go the extra mile? Where do you go that shows you want to expand community with others? Is your community small or growing?
#social #justice #passion #faith #church #tolerance #teach #judge #RNY #obesity #gastric #bypass #weightloss #surgery #freedom #unfair
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Emotional Days Hit Hard
It was quite an emotional day for me yesterday. I think helping my friend whose injuries when abused as a child brought on all the nonsense of my early years back to me.
The night before her surgery several of us were sitting at a friend's home. She went on to retell us some of her story. It ain't pretty she would say a few times. Plus, I have only told you the tip of the iceberg.
We found out that we have the same surgeon. He doesn't recognize me each time that he sees me because I went from an obese woman to a slightly slender one.
For me, it is still in the distant future to get total knee replacement. I still am able to walk with cortisone masking the pain most of the time in my knees. I am fortunate in that I have learned to eat and not let my emotions get the better of me. I drank a protein RTD and had a Greek yogurt that I was able to eat while she was in pre-op. I was able to be with her before surgery and pray with her.
I called several hours later to find that she was in recovery and sleeping. Was it a long operation or was she just in need of sleep. When she did wake up she told me that she had trouble with nausea. I was able to get her personal effects to someone to bring them to her today. Now, her worry is that the rehab she wants is full. As she is on a tenuous thread emotionally for other reasons this can not be good. I pray that her situation improves before she is discharged into rehab. I was glad to hear that she was up and walking.
How did I cope with the strong emotions that I felt the last two days? One, I slept fitfully the night before I had to rise early and drive her to the hospital. Two, I became emotionally drained and went for a nap at 5 pm. Three, I slept until 11:15 pm. It was a good rest. Next, I learned from a person that I just recently got to know that her coworker had sexually attacked her. I knew that she was less than able and had recently had surgery for her shoulder. I had not advice except for stop him by informing on him. I was glad to hear that someone had intervened stopped the assault. Only to learn that the man had attempted again to abuse her. Closed "old boys" groups are offensive to let that kind of behavior go unpunished. I believe she is seeking justice today.
Pray for my friends. Pray for all that are going through sexual trauma of any kind.
Does sexual abuse lead to addictions? Does sexual abuse lead to seeing food as a way of protection against an abuser by gaining too much weight to be appealing? What are your thoughts on sexual abuse and excessive weight gain? How is it that some have a blind eye to sexual conduct of their peers that goes against the norm? How do you protect yourself? Do you feel guilty and do you think it is your fault? Has sexual abuse contributed to your obesity?
The night before her surgery several of us were sitting at a friend's home. She went on to retell us some of her story. It ain't pretty she would say a few times. Plus, I have only told you the tip of the iceberg.
We found out that we have the same surgeon. He doesn't recognize me each time that he sees me because I went from an obese woman to a slightly slender one.
For me, it is still in the distant future to get total knee replacement. I still am able to walk with cortisone masking the pain most of the time in my knees. I am fortunate in that I have learned to eat and not let my emotions get the better of me. I drank a protein RTD and had a Greek yogurt that I was able to eat while she was in pre-op. I was able to be with her before surgery and pray with her.
I called several hours later to find that she was in recovery and sleeping. Was it a long operation or was she just in need of sleep. When she did wake up she told me that she had trouble with nausea. I was able to get her personal effects to someone to bring them to her today. Now, her worry is that the rehab she wants is full. As she is on a tenuous thread emotionally for other reasons this can not be good. I pray that her situation improves before she is discharged into rehab. I was glad to hear that she was up and walking.
How did I cope with the strong emotions that I felt the last two days? One, I slept fitfully the night before I had to rise early and drive her to the hospital. Two, I became emotionally drained and went for a nap at 5 pm. Three, I slept until 11:15 pm. It was a good rest. Next, I learned from a person that I just recently got to know that her coworker had sexually attacked her. I knew that she was less than able and had recently had surgery for her shoulder. I had not advice except for stop him by informing on him. I was glad to hear that someone had intervened stopped the assault. Only to learn that the man had attempted again to abuse her. Closed "old boys" groups are offensive to let that kind of behavior go unpunished. I believe she is seeking justice today.
Pray for my friends. Pray for all that are going through sexual trauma of any kind.
Does sexual abuse lead to addictions? Does sexual abuse lead to seeing food as a way of protection against an abuser by gaining too much weight to be appealing? What are your thoughts on sexual abuse and excessive weight gain? How is it that some have a blind eye to sexual conduct of their peers that goes against the norm? How do you protect yourself? Do you feel guilty and do you think it is your fault? Has sexual abuse contributed to your obesity?
Friday, July 12, 2013
RNY 1/3/08 I have lost and I have gained.
This video has photos from quite a few years as well as some instructions given in the Surgical notebook, some of my weight loss postings and medical postings. If you pause the video at various spots you will be able to read the postings better. I know that this will take time. Enjoy.
Maintenance is Not Easy
I am writing this as I sit here on a summer afternoon. I had RNY surgery five and a half years ago. It was a cold and harsh winter while I recovered from surgery. I was glad that I did not have to go to work in the winter storms. There were more storms after I returned to work and there were emotional lows because of the change in postmasters as well as a very limited restrictive job offer. I left work May 2010.
I just posted a video where it shows that I had been at this weight that I am now in November 08. Yet, I have not been here at this weight as a steady as a rock maintenance RNYer. I have been up and I have been down. I was at my lowest when I returned from a five week trip in 2010. I am ten pounds higher than that weight. No, it is not a goal weight. I have not had a goal weight. I put that in a video once that I arrived at goal. It was just as an expression as in I hit the target or goal. I was happy. My clothes feel comfortable. I can pretty much buy what I want whether from second hand shops or brandnew clothing stores.
No, it is hard work. I think that I have those feelings that are never out of my head that I need to eat. Not that I can eat a whole lot. My stomach is so small. My nose runs when I eat. It is not a signal that I am full. It runs when I chew vitamins or swallow water. Yes, I think now that the nose runs that it should have kept me from eating all those excess amounts of food back in the day. But. no it did not start bothering me until a few months after surgery.
No, it is hard work because I am still a food addict. How can that be you may wonder?
I do not get hungry. I learned when I traveled in 2010 with a friend who has a normal appetite and stomach that my need to eat shows up as exhaustion. It does not manifest itself as a hunger pain or a need to eat. Now, I could go all day until the afternoon doing things around my apartment or out in the community without feeling the need to eat. Good you many say. Not good and here is the reason why. I need to eat to maintain. I lose better if I eat. I gain and lose in a never ending roller coaster ride. I eat on a schedule when I travel and I lose weight then. I eat when it occurs to me at home and I gain.
I try to set a schedule and in fact recommend that to people who are telling friends on Facebook that they have not lost and fear they have had their surgery for nothing. I fail to take my own advice. Is that the case with you?
I know that I do not gain from excess food as there isn't much that goes in. I gain because I do not have the protein that I need for my body. Only thing that I feel comfortable eating in the morning is part of a Fage 0% yogurt. I made cottage cheese pancakes yesterday to have something for breakfast and did not want them today. The salad with steak that I made mostly went in the trash because this one piece of steak felt too squishy. Did I even get in two ounces of steak?
A feeling that I am self-sabotaging this weight loss comes when I want something that I should not have. I think that I have magical feelings that I have lost so much that even if I ate small bites of a forbidden fruit that I would be okay. It is really the food addict in me that has this magical thinking. Yes, I lost almost 200 pounds but it can come back on if I keep up the magical thinking.
How do you work your maintenance? What works and does not work?
#RNY #sabotage #forbidden #excess #plan #weight #loss #vitamins #surgery #gastric #bypass #supportive #community #weightlosscommunity #YouTube #exhaustion #advice
#maintenance
I just posted a video where it shows that I had been at this weight that I am now in November 08. Yet, I have not been here at this weight as a steady as a rock maintenance RNYer. I have been up and I have been down. I was at my lowest when I returned from a five week trip in 2010. I am ten pounds higher than that weight. No, it is not a goal weight. I have not had a goal weight. I put that in a video once that I arrived at goal. It was just as an expression as in I hit the target or goal. I was happy. My clothes feel comfortable. I can pretty much buy what I want whether from second hand shops or brandnew clothing stores.
No, it is hard work. I think that I have those feelings that are never out of my head that I need to eat. Not that I can eat a whole lot. My stomach is so small. My nose runs when I eat. It is not a signal that I am full. It runs when I chew vitamins or swallow water. Yes, I think now that the nose runs that it should have kept me from eating all those excess amounts of food back in the day. But. no it did not start bothering me until a few months after surgery.
No, it is hard work because I am still a food addict. How can that be you may wonder?
I do not get hungry. I learned when I traveled in 2010 with a friend who has a normal appetite and stomach that my need to eat shows up as exhaustion. It does not manifest itself as a hunger pain or a need to eat. Now, I could go all day until the afternoon doing things around my apartment or out in the community without feeling the need to eat. Good you many say. Not good and here is the reason why. I need to eat to maintain. I lose better if I eat. I gain and lose in a never ending roller coaster ride. I eat on a schedule when I travel and I lose weight then. I eat when it occurs to me at home and I gain.
I try to set a schedule and in fact recommend that to people who are telling friends on Facebook that they have not lost and fear they have had their surgery for nothing. I fail to take my own advice. Is that the case with you?
I know that I do not gain from excess food as there isn't much that goes in. I gain because I do not have the protein that I need for my body. Only thing that I feel comfortable eating in the morning is part of a Fage 0% yogurt. I made cottage cheese pancakes yesterday to have something for breakfast and did not want them today. The salad with steak that I made mostly went in the trash because this one piece of steak felt too squishy. Did I even get in two ounces of steak?
A feeling that I am self-sabotaging this weight loss comes when I want something that I should not have. I think that I have magical feelings that I have lost so much that even if I ate small bites of a forbidden fruit that I would be okay. It is really the food addict in me that has this magical thinking. Yes, I lost almost 200 pounds but it can come back on if I keep up the magical thinking.
How do you work your maintenance? What works and does not work?
#RNY #sabotage #forbidden #excess #plan #weight #loss #vitamins #surgery #gastric #bypass #supportive #community #weightlosscommunity #YouTube #exhaustion #advice
#maintenance
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