My Journey will never end

Tuesday, August 18, 2015
We may want a journey to end to come home or to explore. A new place is a highlight for me. Yet, I title this entry; My Journey will never end. I do come home. I do see many people in many places. I explore and learn all about this journey I am on to conquer obesity.

Last week, I flew to San Antonio to the Obesity Action Coalition's #YWM2015 Convention held at the Marriott Rivercenter. Next year, it will be just a few miles outside of DC. I want to post this before I get too far into the post and forget.

I love that the weight loss community has expanded to include those who are seeking information, those who have had the various bariatric surgeries and those who are losing significant amounts of weight through diet and exercise regimes.

We must support all who are in this journey at each step. As a post op, I still struggle with my weight. I have lost all of my excess weight. Yes, it is gone but my brain or my mind chooses to make bad choices. I struggle in those choices in a self sabotaging way. I have had to talk myself down from the ledge. I have had to walk the perimeter of the grocery aisles and not look in those aisles that I am passing.

So my joy in the journey is when I get to meet those people who are struggling as I am and learn techniques through conventions and conferences where some experts help us see how we can bypass those choices. How we can select that which is good that which we crave may be a need for a certain element not the direct need for chocolate!

Those of us who gained weight later in life with medical conditions or medications that lead to weight gain as well as stress or through injury are in the same boat as those who started out as an overweight child and struggled all through life. Those who have had injuries or physical challenges to exercise can find exercises to match our needs. There are now new medications that can curb weight gain that have been approved by the FDA.

Because obesity is a disease you will be able to take these medications even post op if you are suffering with weight regain. Thankfully, there are senators and congress persons who are signed on to a bill in both the Senate and Congress to allow us to see nutritionists, dietitians and nurses or nursing assistants who can help us with our weight loss goals. I know that if you tell your story and urge your senators and congress person to sign on to TROA2015 we will have more than a few minutes with our PCP to discuss our weight.
I want to recap this year as far as my journey goes, I have seen my bariatric surgeon where I learned that I exceed the norm. I went from losing 78% of my excess weight by 6 1/2 years to losing 100% of my excess weigh by 7 1/2 years post op.

To further recap the year, I want to describe the fun I had on various vacations. I traveled to San Diego for the WLSFA.org meet and greet. Some went on to cruise but I chose to go on home. I think the highlight of this conference was speaking with Carnie Wilson again. She has struggled with her weight loss and overcome the lack of satiety.

I was also able to sneak a weekend in down in Atlantic City. I drove there in my brand new car and back with just dead bugs as a consequence which are now washed off. Well, a little more than that I have ongoing issues with my knees and my left knee reminded me that dancing following an extended ride in the car means that I was still hurting despite Tylenol and sleep. I think that I found the hotel we should stay in next year, The Chelsea is right on the Boardwalk and elegant in all aspects.

Our family vacation down on Cape Cod was a wonderful respite for my husband and I. Thoughtfully, my daughter and her boyfriend provided the food. He can grill and make the chicken so juicy.
Next month, I travel to many cities in Central Europe. I would list them but you would be jealous. I will exceed my steps that I did down on the Riverwalk. I feel like packing now. We will be staying in apartments that have washers so I am sure I can pack a lot less for the trip from Sept 15 to Oct 5 than I did for the trip to San Antonio where we had to dress up and wear a costume.

I am excited to go with my traveling companion Caryl. We have been traveling on three trips put together by ourselves. Last October, we left London to go to Paris and Amsterdam. It was an eye opening experience in the Imperial War Museum and Anne Frank Home for us. A relaxing highlight was the cruise on the river in Amsterdam. Our trip this year will include a cruise on the Rhine River as a day trip from Bingen to whereever we want to take the train back to Dusseldorf. This part of the trip we will just have our overnight clothes in a back pack.

I always bring a protein powder that I mix to help me complete my protein intake that is necessary for the continued weight goal. If I feel the meal was not sufficient, I have a snack protein bar that I might take. My favorite protein powder is made by Jay Robb and is 100% Whey Isolate. I have tried many products along these years of my journey and still go with Jay Robb for the benefits I receive from drinking his protein drink.

I am 147 pounds. My original goal was 139 in a post that I put in at 174 pounds. I think that is not realistic for me. It would be a dream.

Yet, I am still traveling on this journey.

OAC YWM2015 Convention and Maintenance Regain Stress

I made a video in which I discuss that there is less than a month before I'll be packing to go to the OAC's convention in San Antonio. I see this as another opportunity to learn. I especially like the finding healthy along your weight loss journey session. 

I talk about how I used an industrial scale to weigh myself and mention that I took all weight articles off like my coat and shoes. In the video, I didn't mention that at any time someone could have witnessed my weight so that I was very cautious. The scale was two sided with an office on one side where people would work. Also, there were multiple entry points on the dock where I would be seen. 

I mentioned that I start my day with a Jay Robb Protein drink. I made mine with Lactaid Milk and blended it. On many occasions, I will add fruit, produce and chia seeds. I did not because I was making a video...no seeds in teeth! 

In my years before learning that I did not need to travel to have weight loss surgery, I had thought of plans to go to Atlanta to where my cousin had RNY surgery. My weight was going up as I stepped on that scale. I did not have a home scale. I would not be within the parameters of a home scale. At the doctor's office, the 250 block was always added plus more weight!

I began losing weight in February 2007 after seeing a digital photo of me sitting reading to pre school children in Marigot Dominica. I lost weight on the trip. I continue to lose weight on trips. 

My plan was hatched over the months following where I wrote everything down in a Little Black Book put out by dailyfooddiary.net that helped me tremendously. I would check calories for my food with the Calorie King calorieking.com book. I began to make more of my own meals and eat more meals at home. Lastly, I would drink a protein drink. 

I talk about stresses and regain during a time that many close family members were dying of cancer. I talk about how that manifest in weight gain and a superficial ulcer. I'm sure glad it wasn't a full blown ulcer because it was very painful. My water intake was increased and I was waking up at night more often to walk and burp and pee of course. The soothing effects of the water did nothing to alleviate the pain. I was going back to see my surgeon four months after my annual check up because I had regained. No scale at home at the time, but my clothes were fitting better and I was in smaller clothes! I love shopping in my own closet! 

I had to schedule another operation that was day surgery and found out the pain was from a superficial ulcer and had my opening widened to half an inch. I thought this would help me eat more. I still eat very little solid protein 

My daughter does 5ks and cross fit training with squats and deadlifts 215 pounds. My injury means that I cannot do repetitive motion and my knees means no running. I do walk and get as much time moving as possible. 

My original surgeon retired five years ago, I have the other senior surgeon in the office and have been very successful in my maintenance to the point of losing  more of my excess weight. At 6.5 years, I had lost 78% of my excess weight. At 7.5 years, I have lost 100% of my excess weight. 

No sitting back on my laurels.  I'm going to the Your Weight Matters #YWM2015 Convention August 13-16 would be a nice place for you to increase your learning about your weight loss. I hope to see you in San Antonio next month. 

Renewed Strength

As I ponder all that has been given me through this surgery, I am amazed at the vigor that I have. My surgery was January 3  2008, I was given a reconstructed stomach and a surgically place new beginning to my intestinal track. I had Roux en Y, or gastric bypass surgery to help me in the never ending struggle to lose weight. 

I have been successful and enjoy renewed strength and activities. Yesterday, I worked cleaning a backyard of leaves with our sole youth who was able to come to rake and our youth leader. It was a long and arduous task. It was a cold day and yet my heat energy from working very steadily kept me warm.  

I go for my eighth trip to Dominica on Saturday morning with two other women and five men to work on the community building and cement our relationship with the two faith communities in the two towns that we have worked with since Hurricane David shortly after their country gained Independence 35 years ago. 

To all who are contemplating surgery, I hope you have a renewed strength and vigor. I wish you many blessings as I have been blessed. 

What would you do now that you have not been able to do? Where would you put your energy? 

Grace Emerges: Faith. Hope. Love.

Grace Emerges: Faith. Hope. Love.: by Brad Duncan According to the apostle Paul in I Corinthians 13, in the spiritual life of following Christ, three qualities rise above a...

I am going on faith that all will work out with my daughters as they strive to live in unconditional love.

Please pray for families who are going through tough times whether family strife, illness or addictions.

Lean on God who can accomplish all that he promises.

"You are Bound and Determined not to get Fat Again"

Last night was our kick off event for our circle at church. We are a welcoming group of women who do verious things in and around our communities. Some are for fellowship and some are for outreach and service. We had a chance to meet some new women who wanted to join.

I sat down at the table with two new friends and three friends that I have known for almost 40 years. As I put my plate down with a very small salad and a partial cup of fish soup, my friend spoke out about the scant offerings. I looked across the table to one new friend and said I weighed over 360 pounds at one time. No one really knew how big I was because they thought I was in the 200s. The cat was out of the bag! Basically, this did not become a topic of conversation, I would have told of my struggles and possibly much more. I say my new friend but once hearing her name, I recalled how my daughter went to a prom with her son more than 20 years ago. We had spoken about this in our church hall after her and her husband became members. The other woman and I have had some small chats but only to learn that she had been in the area for a year following the sudden death of her husband. Her daughter and family live near.

I have been eating out with several friends for more than a year after church. Some of them have lost their husbands through death and divorce. It is just a nice way to keep connected with women that I have known for 40 years. We have tried breakfast restaurants as well as simple places. We seem to like Panera's which opend a new restaurant close to church. It is where there is a choice of salad or soup.

Yet since the church school year started up again and our youth group meetings begin at 12, I had not been able to attend these social events. I wanted to tell you this because the woman who made the statement always attends these lunches. We even have called ourselves the SUMC Lunch Bunch. It has included men at times who find themselves in need of sustanence.

My dear friend is very outspoken. In fact, I never know what she will say next. She has caught me off guard many times. She lead Weigh Down Workshop Program with her husband which I attended and did very well following the program. I was amazed at her remarks. She had us all go up front of our congregation and talked about how we had spent 12 weeks on this Biblically based weight loss program. I did not know that she would say that I had lost 55 pounds with this program.

So, you see that I have come a long way since that time. I let it run to its conclusion. I made a statement to clarify why I was eating such a small portion.

Is it one thing to tell to the larger community what your issues are with weight and eating? Is it easier to discuss it with a small group?

In this social setting the conversation did not go further. At times, people have said that they have lost weight and need some advice. Mostly, I feel like the food police have gone on to other people. In fact, other than asking me if I was going to take leftovers home. It usually is not a point of conversation as to what I eat.

Honey Pot Hill Orchards

My weekend was very full with my youngest grandchildren visiting overnight. I have been mentoring with our youth group since last year. It was something that called to me again.
My love of children has lead me to teach Sunday School, work on Education Commission in my church, be Sunday School Superintendent, teach Vacation Bible School, work at a Christian Camp while on vacation from my job, work with youth while my older daughters were toddlers, work with youth when my youngest daughter was in youth group, do family daycare, become a foster parent as well as Advent Workshop crafts for all generations for many years. I have worked with children most of my life. My being the oldest in our family perhaps has been the source of this talent working with children.

What is your birth order? How do you relate to children and youth?

Apple picking is a highlight every fall. It is wonderful that we can get out in the sunshine. There have been years that it has been a chilly day. There are many apple orchards close to our home. It is become a big business to offer picking. We arrived just past noon and had little lines ahead of us. As we left, there were many many cars filling the parking lots. It is a great activity for young and old. I heard and saw many interactions with families and friends.

I am looking forward to more fun fall events. Perhaps a hike is in the offering in the future. I know that on Saturday our youth group will be going into the Museum of Science to view the Dead Sea Scrolls. It will be an awesome exhibit to view. I do not expect to be allowed to photo the exhibit.

My Abusive Parents, My Fears, My Insomnia and My Obesity

Please read this article from Slate Magazine. What Do Grown Children Owe Their Terrible, Abusive Parents? http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html?utm_source=tw&utm_medium=sm&utm_campaign=button_chunky via @slate

My parents have died. My dad died suddenly when he was 49 back in 1975. That there was no way to confront him as I needed to is not lost on me. I was pregnant with my second baby. He was the father of a little girl from his second marriage.

My mother had a lingering cancer and passed last year. My uncle had challenged all the family members to "step up and help" my mother. It was abrupt and came out of nowhere as far as I was concerned. I learned something from my aunt and later my cousin that I did not know. I have a Youtube channel, AwesomeForever where I show how my mom's apartment was when I went down to Macon GA where she lived next door to my aunt. It was my aunt's building and mom had lived there for many years. My mom was sick and in the hospital. My aunt and uncle must have had a serious discussion about how would my mom live in the apartment when released from the hospital. My aunt was sick with cancer again. She knew that she was not strong enough to care for my mom. I spent a good two hours talking to my aunt. I learned that my mom was a hoarder. Her apartment was covered with so much stuff that she would come out and meet my aunt instead of letting my aunt come up and see the apartment in it's disgraceful state.

Why did this happen? How was it that we were not told sooner? I was used to my mother's rationalizations. I could not sway her to do something that she did not want to do. She had often been sick and would not follow up with a doctor's visit until she was so sick she ended up being hospitalized. We had lost touch over the Internet when all the stuff encompassed the space where she would have sat down to the computer. It was hard to talk with mom because she had needed hearing aids for years and would not get them. She had barely any space to get around. Mom needed to see the phone light to know it was ringing.

I think my aunt believed my mom when she said she would sell some of her nice things. She would help pay her back for the car and all the utilities that my aunt had paid for mom over the years. My aunt was still working at the school where she had been a kindergarten teacher as a tutor and aid in the office. It was not a lot of money. She sacrificed to provide for my mom.






I am really not sure why I bring this up now. It is late on a Sunday so I am reflecting on what was said to me last week. We were talking of what we did back in the summer of 1963. One of the members of our Bible Study group was going to Washington DC for the March on Washington 50. I knew that I was too young to go to DC in 1963. I was too young. I knew that I had a lot of heartache that year. I spoke of my mother leaving home ten days before I turned sixteen. How I had to cook and carry on helping my six siblings. How my parents had constantly argued. How a discussion about what went on in DC on the national level sparked the reminder of the pain of that summer is beyond me. Did you forgive them, I was asked?

How can I answer this question quickly as I am more prone to long answers as I speak I hear what I say. I add to what I say as I remember. Let's just say that there are many memories of abuse from lack of care to out and out abuse. We were stood in a line and asked to admit to some misdemeanor. I remember feeling that I had no answer that would suffice to give my father. Who had done what he viewed as wrong? I am empathetic person and would suffer for my sister or brothers in the punishment that would be handed out. Did you ever stand in the corner? We had to stand in the corner with a leg up! Oh, I often had more punishments added to the original one. I fell asleep standing up. When we moved to Sudbury, we had arrived in the winter, one punishment was walking around the house in the winter until we could come back in.

Really trying to remember other punishments beyond being pushed into the ladder for the bunk bed marked by a dent on my eyebrow line or pushed down the cellar stairs. We knew the fear of getting up at night when there were angry confrontations in the hallway.

How did I develop a fear of heights, I remember asking my mother? I asked her many times about the time I was carried down the sidewalk to a waiting ambulance. She said it did not happen. This nightmare persisted for many years beyond the time of her leaving all of us. Why is it that I have insomnia? I could be awakened by my parents arguments.

Yes, I have been away from that situation for many years. I felt that the early years were gone. I was over the abuse of my childhood. How then did I become obese? How did the eating get out of hand? Was it part of my makeup to turn to food? Our childhood was not marked with abundance of food. It was a lack of care.