I am writing this as I sit here on a summer afternoon. I had RNY surgery five and a half years ago. It was a cold and harsh winter while I recovered from surgery. I was glad that I did not have to go to work in the winter storms. There were more storms after I returned to work and there were emotional lows because of the change in postmasters as well as a very limited restrictive job offer. I left work May 2010.
I just posted a video where it shows that I had been at this weight that I am now in November 08. Yet, I have not been here at this weight as a steady as a rock maintenance RNYer. I have been up and I have been down. I was at my lowest when I returned from a five week trip in 2010. I am ten pounds higher than that weight. No, it is not a goal weight. I have not had a goal weight. I put that in a video once that I arrived at goal. It was just as an expression as in I hit the target or goal. I was happy. My clothes feel comfortable. I can pretty much buy what I want whether from second hand shops or brandnew clothing stores.
No, it is hard work. I think that I have those feelings that are never out of my head that I need to eat. Not that I can eat a whole lot. My stomach is so small. My nose runs when I eat. It is not a signal that I am full. It runs when I chew vitamins or swallow water. Yes, I think now that the nose runs that it should have kept me from eating all those excess amounts of food back in the day. But. no it did not start bothering me until a few months after surgery.
No, it is hard work because I am still a food addict. How can that be you may wonder?
I do not get hungry. I learned when I traveled in 2010 with a friend who has a normal appetite and stomach that my need to eat shows up as exhaustion. It does not manifest itself as a hunger pain or a need to eat. Now, I could go all day until the afternoon doing things around my apartment or out in the community without feeling the need to eat. Good you many say. Not good and here is the reason why. I need to eat to maintain. I lose better if I eat. I gain and lose in a never ending roller coaster ride. I eat on a schedule when I travel and I lose weight then. I eat when it occurs to me at home and I gain.
I try to set a schedule and in fact recommend that to people who are telling friends on Facebook that they have not lost and fear they have had their surgery for nothing. I fail to take my own advice. Is that the case with you?
I know that I do not gain from excess food as there isn't much that goes in. I gain because I do not have the protein that I need for my body. Only thing that I feel comfortable eating in the morning is part of a Fage 0% yogurt. I made cottage cheese pancakes yesterday to have something for breakfast and did not want them today. The salad with steak that I made mostly went in the trash because this one piece of steak felt too squishy. Did I even get in two ounces of steak?
A feeling that I am self-sabotaging this weight loss comes when I want something that I should not have. I think that I have magical feelings that I have lost so much that even if I ate small bites of a forbidden fruit that I would be okay. It is really the food addict in me that has this magical thinking. Yes, I lost almost 200 pounds but it can come back on if I keep up the magical thinking.
How do you work your maintenance? What works and does not work?
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#maintenance
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